God does not create failures

All of my life I have second guessed myself. Before I went through with any decision I made I had to ask others what they thought, and generally, I went with what they thought. Where did that get me? Nowhere. I was a broken person living for those around me. I had no mental strength at all. I thought I was a useless failure. I never felt true happiness. I just sat around wallowing in self~pity. I really believed I had no place or purpose here; that I was useless and mentally ill. Well, I'M NOT and neither are any of you who may think the same thing!! God loves everyone of us and has a place and purpose for each of us. I used to think that was just words to get people to join a specific "church". In some cases, maybe, but when the words are spoken through the Lord~ then NO THEY ARE NOT. Reach out and listen to Him if too many people have failed you; let HIM lead you. That is how I found that those words are true and continue to be blessed as I continue to let HIM show me....
Anyway, I am writing this because I feel that the more I am blessed and the more I do to improve my well being the more people push against me even those I thought cared for me. I know I have failed tremendously in my past endeavors, but let me tell you something~ In my past I had no confidence which caused me to give up and I had no real support which caused me to fail to see the point and made me feel incredibly weak. BUT now I have the Lord God on my side, and I have become a very strong person through Him and I am VERY confident He will not fail me. God DOES NOT make mistakes, and He DOES NOT let people fail when they are working for His purpose. So if you do not support me and you think I will fail, that is all well and good. Everyone has a right to his opinion, BUT I will prove you wrong this time.
I am not saying there will not be times that I or any christian becomes overwhelmed by worldly pressures and breaks down and or makes mistakes. That is a given, but God is there to pick up the pieces. He gently lifts us up and brushes us off as Brother Paul has said. We may break to the point that we feel we cannot take anymore and think that our world is caving in, but if we just cry out to Him and pour our souls out and let Him have our pain and sadness and..He will heal us. He will get us there. We WILL NOT FAIL. I am CONFIDENT. GOD DOES NOT FAIL THOSE WHO ARE WORKING TO SERVE HIS PURPOSE. So if you doubt me being a success in my endeavors, you doubt God.
I had to put this out in the open because I feel that people I expected support from are only offering discouragement, but that is all well and good because the more you try to discourage me, the more I am gonna call upon the Lord's strength and the harder I am gonna push to prove you wrong~just like when people doubted I could raise Emily.... The Lord is my Rock, my Redeemer and my mighty strength!!!! Praise His name. Lord, You are the First, the Last, and the Encore...
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose"~ Romans8:28

P.S.
I am officially enrolled in online classes! I have my first assignment and am ready to roll!!! THANK YOU< LORD!!!

Take My Life (And Let It Be) Chris Tomlin [Lyrics]

In you - Mercy Me (with lyrics)

Rough Start

I know I am rambling a lot on here lately, but I have to share this before I head out this morning. First off, Emily and I slept late. She missed the bus, but that's fine. I did not see why I could not get her to school on time driving her myself. So we ate some chocolate donuts, got dressed and headed out the door. The car would not start. Low fuel + car parked on hill=non~moving car. Hello?! After beating myself up a minute and calling Shannon at work, Emily and I walked over to our neighbor's house and she was glad to help us. She had a gas can full of gas in her shed. So we put some in my car and got it started. I removed the half of my keychain with my house key on it intending to go inside to get money to put another gallon or two in at a gas station to get me out to Madison to pick up my check. My neighbor tells me to just take her gas can with me and get Emily to school. ~I laid the key on top of my car~ so I could make sure Emily was buckled in good and put the gas in my trunk.
We zoomed out of the drive~way, across Hwy. 72 over to Ryland Pike and went up a few more roads over to Mt. Carmel. I got Emily checked in and walked her to her class. I then headed back home. On my way, I was having my quiet time with the Lord. I thanked Him for keeping me from over reacting to the rough start this morning and asked Him not to let the day be too rough. As I was beating myself up, I stopped at the bottom of Ryland and 72. As I hit the breaks, I noticed something slide down my windshield. I stopped cutting myself down and looked behind my wiper blade. It was my house key...It could have gotten worse... I looked up toward the sky and said to my lord, "ok. I will hush. I get it. you are here and I am worrying needlessly again. Thank you!"
You know as well as I do, human logic says that key should have been long gone somewhere back on those curvy roads, but it wasn't. Don't sweat the small stuff. Even if you don't see Him, God is right there with you. Rather than worrying, take His hand and let Him lead you. No matter how lost or out of sorts you may feel, God knows where He is going.
Everyone have a blessed day!!!!!!!

Ssshhh...be still and listen

I think the Lord is looking down on me tonight snickering kind of like we snicker at our children for things they fear, but we know there is no reason for that fear. We prayed in small groups tonight. I wanted so badly to speak out in praise to the Lord for the healing He is doing on me, but I just could not pray aloud in earshot of the group. The more I tried to get up the courage, as the others prayed aloud, the more tense I became. My chest was tight and quite uncomfortable by the end of the prayers and the room seemed to be swaying back and forth. Now that I am calm I am shaking my head at this illogical behavior. These people are my christian family. They are not going to reject me. If anything, they would lift me back up and, yet rather than praising the Lord, I was sitting there panicking. My best friend, Rhonda, tells me to take baby steps and not push myself. she is right. So here is my next lesson in releasing the control freak within myself.


I, once again, am calling upon the Lord to help me to be still and know He is God rather than over~analyzing and anxiously babbling about how I hate this part of myself. I want to be able to stand in front of a room of people {just a small one. LOl} and speak to them with confidence, and you know what? Through my Lord, I am going to get to that point, and when I do I will praise Him so boisterously that that room full of people will fall on their knees and know He is God like He is asking me to do right now. ....


God bless all of you who are reading my words. I love all of you and so does He. Be still and let Him have the wheel. he will let us know when we are ready to step forward. Who knows more about the creation than the Creator Himself? So, until that day, I pray that I will learn to be still and to know.

"The Lord appeared to him that night and said, 'I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, because I am with you. " Genesis 26:24


"Do not be afraid, but speak, and do not keep silent; for I am with you" Acts 8:10

Casting crowns - At your feet with lyrics

My Chains Are Gone

I stand truly amazed at wherever it may be that the Lord is leading me. Within a week, He has totally consumed me, He has wrapped His hand around me so tightly I would swear I can feel the lines in His palm...He is AWESOME. I have become someone else almost literally overnight. I accidentally sold alcohol to a minor yesterday which holds serious consequences, I can't tell you how quite a few of our bills will be paid, nothing seems to go as planned....yet you know what? All I feel is this deep, resonating peace. Right after the ABC board officers left yesterday, I was smiling. I am not angry or overwhelmed in any way. I am so filled with joy I feel as though I could burst. Then today, as I walked up the drive at Chapman to tutor my student, I felt no anxiety, my palms were not sweaty at all. I was simply looking forward to seeing my student.And you know what else? I am STILL not on any meds!!!
GOD IS HEALING ME!!!
All of the trauma surrounding me and all I feel is that immense sense of peace. God has sure enough lifted me to new heights in our relationship. Everything around me is new and different. I am new and different. I finally found my release and have been given my life back... THANK YOU< LORD!!!!! Without You, I would literally be nothing....
This turn in the road came so quick and I am still so amazed...
Take a moment and praise Him and lift your burdens to Him. You WILL find rest in Him if you only
ask...

Listen to these lyrics~So beautiful~so true

Healer

Unharmed

  As any of you close to me know, I am off and on my meds for my "generalized anxiety disorder" quite often usually due to finances. Many times I have said I will just let God have my issue and just not worry about taking it anymore. Naturally, for fear of my mental health {and wonderful ability to go on a week long emotional rampage} most friends and family objected to this idea. So I would get a refill when I got the money again. 

      Well, it has been almost a month this go round without it. I believe 95% has left my body. So I obviously feel some withdrawal, but you know what? I am ok. I am tense, and I am anxious, BUT I am happy. My world is out of whack with personal and financial problems, but that really is ok. You know why? God is in control and no matter what happens here on earth, NO ONE can take Him from me, but me. NO ONE...The worse things go in my life is really for the better because the worse things are the closer God draws me. From an earthly stand point, my life sucks, but from my stand point looking through the eyes of my awesome Lord, I am truly blessed!! Because as I just said, THE WORSE THINGS GET THE CLOSER GOD DRAWS ME. AND  on top of that, the more I suffer, the stronger I become within. This is bad...how?

      You know...before~whenever I did not take my meds stress and anxiety over the tiniest things overwhelmed me to the point of something of a tremendous emotional breakdown that many of you have witnessed. It was all in the fact that I was trying to handle it by myself or through the methods of man=medications that numb the emotions and give you this sense of "happiness" all of the time...

      Tuesday night something happened...I was at work. The meltdown was trying to come into play. I felt the worst sense of non~sensical anger that I have felt in quite some time. I wanted to curse at people or felt like slapping them just because they were there. My insides felt as though they were trembling. I felt this intense sense of sadness and failure. I felt as though I had no reason to be here like I was just a burden upon the world. But I was at work...I could not go on a rampage. I kept telling myself I had to get through this for Emily that my "ruin" could  ruin her.  I began to argue within myself when God spoke up and asked me if I was going to let money problems and some temporary emotions tear apart the blessings He had put into play for me. 

     I worked in the cooler and began to pray. God reminded me what He has pulled me through. He reminded me that when I first became a mother I had no earthly possessions to account for besides the clothing on mine and Emily's backs and a few essentials He provided for us. Friends and family fed and sheltered us for some time. And even more than that, He reminded me that through much emotional and even physical suffering He took away my addiction to narcotic pills and my "need" for marijuana Unharmed{ If I could block out life and become numb to the emotions inside I could make it another day. }. God took me away from that long before I even realized He had any involvement in the making of who I am becoming today.

     I cried HARD for a minute or two on the way home Tuesday night. Then all of the sudden, I just stopped...God questioned me as to why I was so distraught once again. He helped me to realize what I have. He showed me how wonderfully blessed I am. He changed my logic on the way home from work that night...I was sitting at the light at Hwy 72 E and Shields road when I looked to the heavens and said "DUH! What took me so long?" 

     I had an awful migraine come on not long afterward..It was bad~it started in my face and stopped when it got down to my shoulders.

 I prayed and begged God to take this awful pain from me. I was supposed to be looking for a 2nd job. I could not procrastinate.  I was so tense and I wanted to do things MY WAY....if I let go of the wheel it is only bound to get worse. Right? .....WRONG.......I rested that day. I got my migraine somewhat under control by that evening, and as it left, part of myself left with it....

   The next day~sure I felt anxiety and had some concerns for monetary and family issues on my mind as I will for awhile, but I let them go. I no longer feel overwhelmed and smothered with emotions. I feel joy. The Lord is simply leading me> and now that I have stopped resisting and have learned what it means to TRULY let go and let God I feel like a new person. As soon as I feel negative or overwhelming emotions come on, I call upon my Lord and throw Him a pass, and you know what? He catches it everytime. I do not know what He has in mind, but I am a part of a plan~God's plan, and I have no good reason to foul it up because of the worries of this world. That is just not logical anymore.

     So I am handing my fears over to the Lord rather than letting them overrun my life and will be starting school online next week to get a degree in psychology. I laugh at the thought of seeing myself as a confident, stable counselor , but my Lord doesn't, and my Lord does not make mistakes. So I guess I better be the sheep and let the Lord be my shepard. I may have an anxiety disorder, but mind~numbing pills are not going to heal me. The Lord is my Healer and He is going to deliver me to the top of the mountain~Unharmed...  :)

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SpongeBob Mood Badge

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Fear Not~Max Lucado

For fear of doing the wrong thing for God, Some do nothing for God.

For fear of making the wrong kingdom decision, some make no kingdom decision.

For fear of messing up, some will miss out.

But you don't have to. Your God is a good God.

He lavished you with strength in this life and a promise of the next. Go out on a limb; He won't let you fall. Take a big risk;He won't let you fail. He invites you to dream of the day you feel His hand on your shoulder and His eyes on your face. " Well done," He will say, "Good and faithful servant."

His Lord said to him, "Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your Lord. "~ Matthew 25:23

"God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, He's rich in love."~ Psalm 103:8